Sunday, December 21, 2008
Relationship with alcoholic
Dear Dr. Jo: I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for four years. I love her completely! It is tearing me apart to watch her self-destruct. She has been up and down during our relationship. She tells me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but does not know how to love. She also has custody of two wonderful girls. I have always tried to be there to help them with their mother, yet I don't know if I am capable of this. I know they love their mother, but her behavior is tearing them apart. The girls are 16 and 8. The older daughter is in and out of counseling, yet the youngest refuses to talk to anyone. What is the best way for me to help these girls? I love them as if they were my own.
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It is very unfortunate that you are in a situation where you have to watch two children being torn apart by alcoholism. However, there are things you can do to help yourself and the girls. You and the 18 year old can start going to Alanon meetings to learn how to live with an alcoholic and help the 8 year old cope with the alcoholic behavior. The support you will get in Alanon is worth more than you know. Many people have had their lives saved by going to Alanon. Also, go to a few AA meetings and you will begin to understand why your alcoholic behaves the way she does. When it comes to addiction of any kind, a 12-step program works the best for learning how to deal with the craziness, and it’s free. When you and the girls learn more about addiction, you will be able to make informed decisions about what you want in life and the girls will see that their mother’s behavior is not their fault, which is most important.
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